using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
