I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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