You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
