Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm at about main and main street
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
we're so committed to being not committed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
