You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
