Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
