3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
