whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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