The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
