Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So squirting runs in the family.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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