Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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