end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
third nipple confirmed
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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