if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
