can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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