5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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