I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
