Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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