I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
