two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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