My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
