Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
