told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
