i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
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we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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