He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
