i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
