This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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