hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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