They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
