i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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