Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
