i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
