The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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