i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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