This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
