he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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