I wish I could teleport
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
