lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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