Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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