They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
