did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
