hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
