my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
