you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
