How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
