Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
