just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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