just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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