He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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