pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
