when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
