broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize