i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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