I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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