Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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