Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
