Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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