Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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