she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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