when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
