He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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