You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
