oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
