This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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