I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
