To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
