He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
