no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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