I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
