Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
