I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
