I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
