I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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