god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
