Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
