I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
