All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
