Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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