i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
