White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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