Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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